Graduating class of 011

I choose this piece because I think that this is one of the most important part of school because. We need to know why we think, ourselves are going to make it far in this school and do we belove so much that we are going to be one of the few to graduate in high school.

I want to be graded on my intro my hook, and my voice. I want to know if my intro is good and if my hook is dragging people into my reading. Last if I sound like an actual human being and not like a text book.